I’m a very indecisive person. Going into rematch is a huge decision. It literally changes your life. In a lot of ways. Naturally, I had an incredibly hard time with that decision. I was thinking about it for weeks, weighing the pros and cons and talking to my friends over and over again, before I went into rematch. I even contacted an au pair that I met in training school that was in rematch and talked to her for almost two weeks. Talking to other au pairs that were in rematch really can help if you’re considering taking that step yourself.
I was at the point of constant exhaustion and unhappiness. I was only in my host family’s house when I really needed to be. If I wasn’t working I was at my friend’s house, the library, taking a walk or locked up in my room. I only came out for food and I tried my best to time that with the kids’ bedtime so that I wouldn’t run into my host parents. I had tried to talk to them about the things that were bothering me, but they’d just shrugged me of. Multiple times. I’d told myself that I would try my best to make it work. And that’s what I did. I kept telling myself that it would get better and that I would just need to get used to everything. But after weeks, months of being there nothing had changed. And I knew that nothing would change. I was crying a lot and I was constantly unhappy. And exhausted.
I was at the point where I just wanted to go home. And I knew it wasn’t because I was homesick. It was because I felt so uncomfortable in that house, that I just needed to get out. And then I thought to myself, do I really want to spend this entire year being uncomfortable and sad? I knew that if I would stay with my host family then that was exactly what my year was going to look like. And I didn’t want to put myself through that. Why would I? And then I thought, before I just go home, why don’t I try to find a new family? If it wouldn’t have worked, I would have just gone home. And that’s what I wanted in that moment anyways. So why not at least try to find a new family?
So, I did. I went into rematch. And I’m not going to lie. It was hell. It was stressful and hard and so, so uncomfortable. It got to the point where I would sleep at my friend’s house every weekend, every chance I could get. I wasn’t eating anymore because I didn’t want to leave my room when I was at home. It was a really hard time. But then I found my new host family. I’ve been with them for a while now, and it seems like the life I had with my old host family is a lifetime away. It feels surreal, almost like it was a bad dream and never really happened.
Rematch was hard, but I haven’t regretted my decision even once and I have never looked back.